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Marks ? Spencer demand 7yearold boy's permission to deal with mother's complaint

Mother who complained that her son's Superman suit was faulty was told data protection meant they could only deal with him.

Rarely Silky, Never Smooth

I got out of bed this morning, as I manage to do most days. And, after the requisite creaking and grumbling and scratching of various unmentionables, I made my way to the shower. As is my custom on Wednesdays. Most Wednesdays. According to my New Years resolution, at least. Anyway, once I was squeaky cleaned and toweled dry, I ventured off to find clean underpants. They're the foundation of a healthy winter ensemble. But I found, to my still-dripping dismay, that there were no clean underpants in the drawer. Socks, yes. T-shirts, sure. Some sort of weird multicolored fuzzy thing that might be a scarf -- or a month-old sub sandwich? Check. But underpants were conspicuously and troublingly absent. "Somehow -- was it my darting eyes, the nervous tics, or the periodic dancing-Elaine-Benes-esque kicks I used to subtly extract my underwear from up my netherhole? -- people seemed clued in to my silky little secret." That is to say, normal underpants were absent. The only crotch-covering clothing in the underwear drawer -- just sitting there, waiting, smirking at me -- was the pair of emergency boxers. Silk boxers. Red silk boxers, with little hearts and "I LOVE YOU!"s printed all over. Clearly, I faced a dilemma. Would I don the cartoonish monstrosities, normally reserved for a ten-minute annual Valentine's Day stint? (Note: Don't ask about the stint. Just... don't.) Or would I choose one of the other, even less attractive, options? Wearing dirty undies? Going without altogether? Walking downstairs to the basement and fishing fresh underpants out of the dryer? Jesus. I'd already gotten out of bed and showered. What do I look like over here, fricking Superman? So I took what I thought was the easy way out, jumped legs-first into those novelty boxers, and crammed clothes on over top. It wasn't my finest moment -- and I had no delusions about what I was getting myself into. When a woman slinks herself into a set of silky undies, she feels sexy, and pretty, and self-confident. When I yank a flimsy set of love pants around my waist, all I feel is drafty. And bunchy. And self-conscious, to boot. The whole rest of the day, as I mingled at work and outside with the normals, I could swear that they knew. Somehow -- was it my darting eyes, the nervous tics, or the periodic dancing-Elaine-Benes-esque kicks I used to subtly extract my underwear from up my netherhole? -- people seemed clued in to my silky little secret. I couldn't get out of the office fast enough tonight, so I could race home and get out of those damned telltale pants. Now I'm finally, mercifully home, and free of their heart-encrusted clutches. Still, I put in a full day today. And I'm a lazy guy. So it's not like I'm going to bother to walk all the way down to the basement for fresh reinforcements. That's crazy talk. But the missus won't let me into the bed without underpants -- I mean, it's not Valentine's Day yet, now, is it? What's a sorry, slothful silkophobe to do? It's getting awfully drafty 'round these parts, and the dog is starting to give me funny looks. Good thing there's a brand new roll of paper towels on the holder in the kitchen. I'll wrap a few dozen of those around me toga-style and bluff my way into bed. And maybe by morning I'll have mustered the energy to swap out my Bounty boxers for something more conventional. Either that, or I'll be the most absorbent son of a bitch in the office tomorrow. At least they won't catch me sweating during another long staff meeting. And that's the sort of 'silky smooth' I can snuggle up next to.

Superman of the pool was born for glory

WITH a torso like the hull of a fishing boat and an unshakeable focus, Michael Phelps yesterday staked his claim to the sobriquet of the world's greatest-ever Olympian and

"Media Matters"; by Jamison Foser

Obama coverage finds dark lining around silver clouds Looking at recent media coverage of Sen. Barack Obama, it's hard not to be a bit amused at the contortions reporters have gone through to portray the Democratic presidential candidate in a negative light. News organizations that know Sen. John McCain's campaign is lying about Obama adopt those lies as the framework for their coverage. Reports on campaign polling obsess over Obama's inability to garner the support of more than 50 percent of the public -- all the while McCain struggles to stay above 40. And, increasingly, reporters and pundits have taken to describing Obama's seemingly positive qualities as fraught with electoral peril. None of this is particularly surprising. Two years ago, I wrote: No matter who emerges as a progressive leader, or a high-profile Democrat, they're in for the same flood of conservative misinformation in the media. Too many people chalk up outrageous media treatment of, say, Al Gore or John Kerry to the men's own flaws, pretending that if they were better candidates, they'd have gotten better press coverage. That's naïve. The Democratic Party could nominate Superman to be their next presidential candidate, and two things would happen: conservatives would smear him, and the media would join in. The eagerness with which the media have spread some truly bizarre criticisms of Obama confirms this theory. Just think about some of the things Obama has seen the media portray as weaknesses. He's too popular and respected. He's too well-educated. His great speeches are attended by many enthusiastic people -- just like Hitler! He's too fit. Yes: The Wall Street Journal would have you believe that Barack Obama faces an uphill electoral climb because he may be "Too Fit to Be President." Journal reporter Amy Chozick devoted more than 1,300 words to exploring this pressing topic: [I]n a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them. Just for good measure, the Journal included a graphic depicting Obama, McCain, and five presidents. For four of the five presidents, along with McCain, the Journal respectfully chose photos in which the men were wearing suits (though Taft was without his jacket.) In the photo the Journal chose for Bill Clinton, he was in mid-jog, in shorts, T-shirt, and a baseball cap; Obama was in exercise garb, with a basketball in his hand. Chozick apparently had some trouble finding people to support the crackpot premise that Obama's physical fitness might cause voters to question his fitness for office, so she turned to trolling Internet message boards in desperate search of someone -- anyone -- she could quote. As the blog Sadly, No! revealed, Chozick posted a Yahoo! Message Board thread on July 15, asking, "Does anyone out there think Barack Obama is too thin to be president? Anyone having a hard time relating to him and his 'no excess body fat'? Please let me know. Thanks!" About three-and-a-half hours later, Chozick got her first response -- a post ridiculing her for her focus on "totally meaningless drivel." Nearly an hour after that, Chozick finally got the response she was looking for. A user posting under the name "onlinebeerbellygirl" wrote, "Yes I think He [sic] is to [sic] skinny to be President. ... I won't vote for any beanpole guy." Chozick quoted the post in her article -- one of only two quotes agreeing with the premise of the article. She did not, however, disclose that the quote had come only after she started a thread encouraging people to make such comments. After she got caught, the Journal acknowledged: "The article should have disclosed that the reporter used the bulletin board to elicit the comment." There may be more to it than that. A post in a subsequent Yahoo! Message Board discussion thread devoted to Chozick's article noted that "[n]either Chozick nor 'onlinebeerbellygirl' has made any other posts on Yahoo before or since, and both profiles appear to have been created on 7/15, the day Chozick started the topics. It certainly looks like Amy Chozick constructed the whole thing." Another post wondered: "Do WSJ reporters make up fake IDs and make up fake quotes?" Chozick's original thread has been deleted (a cached copy is available here). Even more curiously, a search of the Yahoo! message boards for "onlinebeerbellygirl" comes up empty. Whether "onlinebeerbellygirl" ever really existed at all or was a Chozick invention, running a 1,300-word article suggesting Obama is too skinny to be president, based upon a random Internet message board post, is insane. As Slate.com's Tim Noah noted, "In the vastness of cyberspace, you can always find somebody who will say whatever you want." You might think that The Wall Street Journal's speculation that Obama's failure to be overweight might cost him the presidency was so inane and baseless that no other journalist could possibly repeat this nonsense. You might think that, if you haven't been reading Maureen Dowd. Sure enough, Dowd raced to quote the Journal article in her Sunday New York Times column: In The Wall Street Journal, Amy Chozick wrote that Hillary supporters -- who loved their heroine's admission that she was on Weight Watchers -- were put off by Obama's svelte, zero-body-fat figure. "He needs to put some meat on his bones," said Diana Koenig, a 42-year-old Texas housewife. Another Clinton voter sniffed on a Yahoo message board: "I won't vote for any beanpole guy." It's a good thing The New York Times keeps Maureen Dowd around. How else would their readers be exposed to crackpot theories found in ethically questionable Wall Street Journal articles? But the most cynical assault on Obama has been the suggestion that he's "too presidential." That's what much of the media criticism of Obama's recent trip abroad boiled down to, James Rainey explained in the Los Angeles Times: The candidate's crowning demonstrations of hubris, according to those building a case, came during his extended trip to Iraq, Afghanistan, the Middle East and Europe. Recall the pundits demanding the freshman Illinois senator prove he could be presidential in the foreign arena? So he appeared at ease with world leaders, talked animatedly with beaming American troops and drew huge civilian crowds. Then the pundits -- who had been taking a round of bashing for supposedly going easy on Obama -- told Obama he needed to beware of appearing too presidential. What makes this criticism so distasteful is that throughout the primaries, the media kept saying various candidates looked "presidential" or "like a president." The pundits rarely explained what it means to "look[] like a president," but those candidates had at least two things in common: They were white, and they were men. I don't remember Barack Obama (or Hillary Clinton) being described that way. So, after excluding Barack Obama from their lists of candidates who "look presidential," the media have moved on to suggesting he looks too presidential. Too popular. Too well-educated. Too fit. Too presidential. The guy doesn't stand a chance. No wonder media coverage of poll results that show Obama beating McCain makes it sound like McCain is winning.

Super Man and the Bugout reading: what if Superman had been a nice Jewish boy from Toronto

Roy Trumbull has performed an excellent reading of my short story The Super Man and the Bugout -- a story about Superman as a Jewish boy raised in Toronto's suburbs (one of Superman's creators being, of course, nice Jewish boys from Toronto!), put out of work by the arrival of benevolent aliens who welcome Earth to the Galactic Federation. ?Mama, I?m not a super-villain,? Hershie said for the millionth time. He chased the last of the gravy on his plate with a hunk of dark rye, skirting the shriveled derma left behind from his kishka. Ever since the bugouts had inducted Earth into their Galactic Federation, promising to end war, crime, and corruption, he?d found himself at loose ends. His adoptive Earth-mother, who?d named him Hershie Abromowicz, had talked him into meeting her at her favorite restaurant in the heart of Toronto?s Gaza Strip. ?Not a super-villain, he says. Listen to him: mister big-stuff. Well, smartypants, if you?re not a super-villain, what was that mess on the television last night then?? A busboy refilled their water, and Hershie took a long sip, staring off into the middle distance. Lately, he?d taken to avoiding looking at his mother: her infra-red signature was like a landing-strip for a coronary, and she wouldn?t let him take her to one of the bugout clinics for nanosurgery. MP3 Link...

Comic-Con 08: Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe - Subzero vs. Superman

Ed Boon walks us through MK vs. DC Universe and shows off Subzero vs. Superman. BRUTALITY!

Gallery: Star Wars, Aliens and Outta-This-World Lines at Comic-Con

: Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.comSAN DIEGO -- More people, more lines and more crazy costumes. Welcome to Day 2 of Comic-Con International, where even hot pretzels can command an impressive queue. Left: Mina Castillo, 7, of Virginia Beach, Virginia, dressed up as Jupiter and attended Comic-Con with her grandmother, Cynthia Lucia of San Diego, at left, dressed as Saturn. Her aunt, Cher Delacy of San Diego, came along as Mars. : Photo: Jon Snyder/Wired.com "Masquerade is a big thing for us," said Nicole Roberts, 32, of Van Nuys, California. "Packing for Comic-Con is always a nightmare." Roberts is dressed as Barf from Spaceballs and is having lunch with her friend Kent Elofson, of Pasadena, California. : Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.comThe line for autographs wraps all the way around the DC Comics booth Friday morning. : Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.comTwo stormtroopers ascend to the second level of the San Diego Convention Center on Star Wars day. : Photo: Jon Snyder/Wired.comRay Park, who played Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace , signs autographs Friday afternoon. : Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.com"Awesome," said Dwight Boyd, 47, of Palo Alto, California. This is his second year in a row attending Comic-Con. Even the caped crusader needs a little relief sometimes. : Photo: Jon Snyder/Wired.comKaan Toy, 23, of Turkey, sports a Superman cape while working Comic-Con. The cape was great for business, but didn't make pedaling the bike any easier. : Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.com Leroy Harper eyes a potential buyer at the Dale Roberts Comics booth Friday. The vintage comics sold by the store fetch big bucks, with some going for thousands of dollars. : Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.comJay, aka Christopher Duncan, and Silent Bob, aka Robert Boughuer, take a little break from the action. : Photo: Jon Snyder/Wired.comKathy Valdoria, 25, and Ben Peterson, 26, both of San Diego, came to the show to look at all the crazy toys. : Photo: Jon Snyder/Wired.comMavrick Roberts, of Salt Lake City, is one of an estimated 35 Ghost Busters in attendance at Comic-Con, and he proudly chairs the Salt Lake City Ghost Busters branch. : Photo: Jon Snyder/Wired.comBoba Fett, aka Wayne Riehm of San Diego, stands guard at the entrance to the show floor at Comic-Con. : Photo: Jim Merithew/Wired.comGreg Nelson of San Diego makes the perfect Shrek, with his big green head, tattered brown outfit and mildly grouchy personality.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe E308 Gameplay Movie 3

Superman vs Subzero, live from GameSpot at E3.

Rock Out With Your Clock Out: We Test Atomic Watches

For a watch that?s more accurate than a sniper with a Ritalin rush, nothing beats an atomic watch. Automatically synchronized via low-frequency radio signals, these clocks keep perfect time up to six miles in the air, never need winding and sync themselves when you fly across time zones. Some are rugged enough to survive a trip up Mount Kilimanjaro while others are fancy enough to wear at a black-tie gala. And hey, for watches with such geeky features, that?s pretty bomb. --Michael S. Lasky Casio G-Shock Riseman Say you?re about to summit Everest. Or you?re schlepping through the narrows of Hong Kong. Or you?re tearing through hard angles at Le Mans. You want to know what time it is and you want it to be accurate. Casio?s G-Shock Riseman has you covered. A true globetrotter, the watch receives time-calibration signals from six different world transmitters in the United States, Japan, China, Germany and the United Kingdom. (Most atomic watches sold in the United States receive time updates solely from the Atomic Clock at Fort Collins, Colorado.) But playing nice with a worldwide network of Atomic Clocks is just an opening act for the Riseman. Four side buttons control displays for altitude (up to 32,800 feet ... higher than Everest!) temperature, barometric pressure and a stopwatch. As one might assume from its G-Shock moniker, the 2.2-ounce Riseman is rugged, shock-proof with its rubber and metal case and its black, industrial Terminator design. Seriously, we dragged this thing through mud, froze it, dunked water on it, threw it, even called it names. It didn?t lose a single speck of functionality. Powered by a solar cell that replenishes the watch?s rechargeable battery, there?s never a need to replace batteries. We put the watch in a coma by leaving it in a drawer for six days. But it only took a few minutes in the sun for the timepiece to perk up again. Note to the farsighted: The battery indicator is so squinty-small it can induce temple-shattering headaches. But all these features come with a steep learning curve -- mastering the features of this watch took us several days. The manual, a 132-page credit card size flipbook, is a maze of details for each function. Just switching the temperature readings from Celsius to Fahrenheit takes a whopping 14 button pushes. But in time (hi-yo!) the Riseman is the ideal wrist-mounted companion to take on a trek up the Himalayas or an urban safari. WIRED Lightweight, ruggedized multifunction watch packs a full house of environmental data great for world travelers and outdoor adventurers. With a few exceptions, digital display is easy to read in any light setting.TIRED Massive, complex, obtuse instructions. Set aside a three-day weekend to figure out the feature load. Don?t hide the watch behind a shirtsleeve -- like the villain from Superman IV it needs direct sunlight to work. $220, Casio8/10 Citizen Skyhawk AT Slip on the Skyhawk AT before getting on a plane and risk getting charged for an extra carry-on. At 6.3 ounces, this watch is heavier than a Royale with cheese but is crammed with enough features to nearly justify the heft. With an impressive black-and-silver face (really, it could pass for a control panel of a private jet) the appropriately named Skyhawk displays data on four analog mini-faces and two digital displays. World time for 43 cities, two alarms, 1/100-second chronograph with a 24-hour recorder, a 99 minute countdown time, perpetual calendar, a rotating slide rule bezel -- just some of the device?s capabilities. Too bad the teeny fonts on the mini-faces are nearly impossible to read in dim light. Forget eyeglasses, you?ll need a scanning electron microscope to read it. Setting up the Skyhawk takes a load of patience and a good deal of time. All controls require a combination of pulling the center crown one or two notches, aligning dials on the mini-faces or one of the two digital displays. While the relatively slim 40-page manual carefully guides you through the steps, there are still many features that require a lengthy process of trial and error to master. WIRED Atomic timekeeping with radio-controlled accuracy and solar-powered rechargeable battery make this function-loaded, flight chronograph world watch a convenient tool for world travelers, pilots and gadget-philes. TIRED Despite its handsome face, the embedded mini-faces are hard to read, and operating the watch?s wealth of features requires a long learning curve. The 6.3-ounce weight (hey, another 1.7 ounces and you would be carrying a half-pound) can be uncomfortable and less than ergonomic. $695 (as tested), Citizen Watch7/10 Casio Pathfinder Got time? If you decide to put the Casio Pathfinder PAW1500T-7V on your wrist, you?ll need it. This nearly quarter-pound, atomic, solar watch is armed with a slew of functions that require a Herculean effort to master. Accompanied by a thick, 155-page manual, Casio makes sure every detail of the watch is covered, short of pawning it for booze money. Some functions are easy. Want to know how high you are? Push the altimeter button. Want to know how hot it is? Push the thermometer button. See what type of (atmospheric) pressure you are under with the barometer button. Others are not: A digital compass puts you in the right direction and even calibrates bi-directionally with readings from either the North or South Poles, but its hard to decipher. Same goes for interpreting readouts on the phases of the moon or the tide. The thick, military styled Pathfinder looks like a watch Rambo would wear. And we?re talking about psychotic killing machine Rambo from First Blood, not geriatric, overly tanned Rambo from the 2008 film. But you?ll need a Stallone-style workout just to carry the damned thing around. After a week of wearing the device, we were literally walking crooked from an enormous atomic bracelet weighing down our left wrist. WIRED Enough features to keep hikers (altimeter), seafarers (tide readings) or soldiers of fortune (hefty weight = bludgeoning device) satisfied. Solar power means no battery changes, and an atomic radio maintains perfect standard and daylight savings time around the world. TIRED Steep learning curve. 155-page manual reads like a Tolstoy novel. 3.9-ounce weight is enough to dislocate a geeky wrist. $400, Path Finder6/10 Oceanus OCWS1000A Atomic Solar Watch Don?t let the relatively simple design of the Oceanus fool you. The rising tide of chronographic features built into its three-ounce titanium case are, well, a bit staggering. But so are its price tag and some of its more complex functions. First off, the extremely pretty black and silver face sports three mini-dials. Each motor controls a movement on the watch face -- the sweep second hand, the chronograph, world time, 24-hour time and date display. While the Oceanus name might suggest this is a great diving watch, it surprisingly can only resist water up to 50 meters. (Similar chronographs reach depths of 200 meters.) But that?s nearly excusable since this is jewelry best used above sea level. Its world clock function lets you check current times in 27 cities and 29 time zones. If you are traveling out of your time zone, a few taps on one of the four control buttons on either side of the watch will toggle a world time with your regular home city setting. The 1/20th second stopwatch measures elapsed time up to 59 minutes, and 59.99 seconds. Too bad it doesn?t have a memory to handle more than one lap. We had to write down each lap time before restarting the timer. Watch those clumsy fingers too -- push the wrong button and the stopwatch quickly resets to zero. Its tachymeter function used to convert time intervals to speed or rates of events is etched around the rim of the analog face. But the silver on silver markings -- no doubt designed with cosmetics more than functionality in mind -- are more difficult to read than any other watch we tested. After wearing and using the Oceanus OCWS1000A for a week, its overall usefulness begins to pale -- especially in the face of other timepieces (like the Casio) that are cheaper and far easier to operate. Call us hopeless nerds, but shouldn?t an atomic watch with a $1,095 price tag spend its time both looking good and functioning perfectly? WIRED Elegant looks coupled with cool factor make this a device that would feel at home on the wrist of George Clooney. Four seamless integrated side control buttons eliminate garish angles found in other watches. TIRED Small type fonts on watch face can be hard to read. Setting instructions require a time-consuming, initial learning curve. Float me a loan so I can afford one of these things. $1095, Oceanus5/10