Polyamory

Polyamory is the practice or lifestyle of being part of more than one long-term, intimate, and (usually but not necessarily) sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly.

Polyamory and parenting

Many polyamorists have children, either within the relationship or from a previous relationship. Like other elements of polyamory, the way in which children are integrated into the family structure varies widely. Examples:

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• Parents are primarily responsible for their own children (biological, adoptive, or step-), but other members of the relationship act as an extended family, providing assistance in child-rearing.
• Adults raise children collectively, all taking equal responsibility for each child regardless of consanguinity.
• Parents are wholly responsible for their own children, with other members of the relationship relating to the children as friends of the parents.
• Children treat parents' partners as a form of step-parent.

The choice of structures is affected by timing: an adult who has been present throughout a child's life is likely to have a more parental relationship with that child than one who enters a relationship with people who already have a teenage child. (The issues involved often parallel those of step-parenting.)

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The degree of logistical and emotional involvement between the members of the relationship is also important: a close-knit triad already living under one roof with shared finances are far more likely to take a collective approach to parenting than would a larger, loose-knit group who have separate living arrangements.

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Whether children are fully informed of the nature of their parents' relationship varies, according to the above considerations and also to whether the parents are 'out' to other adults.

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Custody ramifications

Parents involved in polyamorous relationships often keep this status a secret because of the risk that their polyamory will be used by an ex-spouse or other family member as grounds to deprive them of custody of and/or access to their children, much as homosexuality has been used in the past.

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In 1998, a Tennessee court granted guardianship of a child to her grandmother and step-grandfather because the child's mother April Divilbiss and partners had outed themselves as polyamorous on MTV. After contesting the decision for two years, Divilbiss eventually agreed to relinquish her daughter, acknowledging that she was unable to adequately care for her child and that this, rather than her polyamory, had been the grandparents' real motivation in seeking custody.http://www.polyamorysociety.org/Divilbiss_Families_Case_Ends.html

Related Topics:
1998 - Tennessee - April Divilbiss - Outed - MTV

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