Paul Lynde

Paul Edward Lynde (June 13, 1926–January 10, 1982) was an American comedian and actor. He was born in Mount Vernon, Ohio to Hoy Lynde and Sylvia Bell Doup.

Hollywood Squares quips

Q: What is a "dual purpose cow?"

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Lynde: It gives milk and cookies. But I wouldn't recommend the cookies.

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Q: Why do the Hells Angels wear leather?

Related Topics:
Hells Angels - Leather

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Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles so easily.

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Q: Is there such a thing as a female rooster?

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Lynde: Yes, they're the ones who go a doodle-doo.

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Q: Henry Kissinger once visited Japan and went into a geisha house. What did he do while he was there?

Related Topics:
Henry Kissinger - Japan - Geisha

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Lynde: Negotiating for peace.

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Q: What does Superman wear under his suit?

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Lynde: A dickie.

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Q: Why would you throw a lemon down a garbage disposal?

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Lynde: Because it was very, very naughty.

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Q: True or false: Roma legend has it that God made the people of the world in a large oven.

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Lynde: (looks at Leslie Uggams) Looks like you were overcooked.

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Q: What do you do if you are driving downhill and your brakes give out?

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Lynde: Honk if you love Jesus.

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Q: Can you get an elephant drunk?

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Lynde: Yes, but he still won't go up to your apartment.

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Q: What will bring tears to a monkey's eyes?

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Lynde: Learning that Tarzan swings both ways.

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Q: Which is better looking, a pixie or a fairy?

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Lynde: I'll go for the fairy.

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Q: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?

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Lynde: I don't have a third choice?

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Q: What is said to be wasted on the young?

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Lynde: A spanking.

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Q: What is the most abused and neglected part of the body?

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Lynde: Well, mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

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