Mornington Crescent (game)

Mornington Crescent is a game created and popularized by the BBC Radio 4 programme I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (ISIHAC), a parody of panel games. The game's obscure rules and complex strategies were devised as a parody of the deep analysis favored by afficionados of chess and other such games.

Rules

: New players may prefer not to read the following explanations.

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In detail

According to tradition, numerous volumes expound the hundreds of rules and regulations of gameplay; however, aside from the basic manner of play as explained above, no genuine rules exist. During play, players often explain their moves by invoking obscure but authoritative-sounding rules or gambits (e.g. "once Tooting Bec has been declared, the move may not be repeated unless two or more players are in knip"); they are making these up as they go along. Likewise the pre-game discussion of which specific rule-variants will be in play (e.g. "Mortimer's 2nd Amendment" or "Trumpington's Variation") is entirely insubstantial.

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It is technically possible to win the game on the first move by announcing "Mornington Crescent"; but such a circumstance rarely occurs, since winning isn't really the object of the game. The true intent is to be funny, and all other rules are invoked solely in the service of this objective. An immediate victory did occur once on air in ISIHAC— but only after the player claiming it had spent four minutes explaining the particular rules he was invoking.

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Some rules and moves, by dint of long use, have become "traditional"; but even these are still only sketchily defined. For example, once a player has named Dollis Hill, other players will often groan in anguish in anticipation of the forthcoming "Dollis Hill loop"; thereafter every alternate move must be Dollis Hill. But why? And how is it eventually escaped? There is no answer to the first question — and the escape simply comes once a player of sufficient wit can cite a gambit justifying it. Another very common circumstance is the discovery that a certain player (or the game itself) is "in knip," (occasionally spelled "knid") a status which seems to involve a dramatic restructuring of the rules for as long as it lasts.

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Culture of secrecy

Those in the know about the game enjoy pretending to others that all the rules are real, and that they really are in a rule book. The alleged rulebook remains eternally elusive, and this supreme obscurity of the rules is a source of humour to players. Players frequently make reference to the International Mornington Crescent Society (IMCS), allegedly the dominant rule-making body for the game.

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Radio 4 once broadcast the first part of a "two part documentary" on Mornington Crescent, which gave a history of the game through the ages. The promised second part, which would give an in-depth explanation of the rules, was, naturally, never broadcast.

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As Humphrey Lyttelton, who chairs the game on air in the radio show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, " inimitable accuracy by the lovely Samantha, who sleeps with it under her pillow. As it now runs to 17 volumes, she is running out of pillows." (Samantha, the indescribably lovely scorer for ISIHAC, is equally fictitious.)

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If Mornington Crescent is played well, an observer may come to realise what rules really operate, namely those of comedy, and other newcomers' initial bafflement will be amusing to all concerned. However, the game is far from a mere prank; aficionados legitimately play the game against one another for recreation even when not in the presence of the uninitiated.

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Among Mornington Crescent players, there is a taboo against admitting that the rules are mostly fictitious. Some interpret this as an attempt to maintain the ignorance of outsiders. Another explanation is that admitting what's really going on is incompatible with actually playing the game: saying "but the rules aren't real" immediately spoils a previously engaging discussion of the strategy of shunting players who are in knid on the Piccadilly Line. It seems likely that different participants see different reasons for maintaining this silence.

Related Topics:
Taboo - Piccadilly Line

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The former interpretation of the taboo has led some to aggressively point out that there are no real rules whenever there's a possibility of someone being misled. Indeed, there is a hint of a reverse taboo: proponents of full disclosure see it as morally reprehensible to leave a newcomer in the dark. The debate remains unresolved, but it appears that all sides at least find it acceptable to privately explain the real situation to someone who asks.

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Original rules?

The game's secretive, complex-sounding rules and dramatic manner of play are intended to parody strategy games and the deep analysis in which their players engage. There is some evidence suggesting that in the early days there were a few simple rules, which the panellists knew and the audience didn't. The fact that the audience didn't know the rules was an in-joke for the panel. Since no one would be able to tell the difference, these rules were only loosely followed, and were eventually abandoned altogether.

Related Topics:
Parody - In-joke

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Two books of 'rules' and history have been published, The Little Book of Mornington Crescent (2001; ISBN 0752844229) by Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Barry Cryer and Humphrey Lyttelton, and Stovold's Mornington Crescent Almanac (2001; ISBN 0752847295) by Graeme Garden.

Related Topics:
Graeme Garden - Tim Brooke-Taylor - Barry Cryer

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In the late 1980s Roger Heyworth, a director of Gibson's Games mooted the idea of publishing a Mornington Crescent game consisting of an empty box containing a flier promoting a club for aficionados. The plan was abandoned because of the number of customer complaints that it was expected to generate. In the late 1990s he approached the BBC with a card game design but this was rejected because it was insufficiently silly.

Related Topics:
1980s - Roger Heyworth - Gibson's Games - 1990s

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Starting in 1997 an attempt was made to create an actual serious playable version of Mornington Crescent, by means of a nomic. This was inspired by the propensity of nomics to create subgames and the observation that nomic players keep tweaking their nomics to keep them interesting to play. Mornington Nomic was a successful nomic for a while, and indeed succeeded in producing an interesting and playable game that matches the form of Mornington Crescent. While the nomic is no longer played, the resulting set of rules for Mornington Crescent remains.

Related Topics:
1997 - Nomic

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