Grief

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventially focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophical dimensions. Common to human experience is the death of a loved one, be they friend, family, or other. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss. Losses can range from loss of employment, pets, status, a sense of safety, order, possessions, to the loss of the people nearest to us. Our response to loss is varied and researchers have moved away from "cookie cutter" views of grief, that is that people move through an orderly and predictable series of responses to loss to one that considers the wide variety of responses that are influenced by personality, family, culture and spiritual and religious beliefs and practices.

Normal vs Abnormal Grief

While the experience of grief is a very individual process depending on many factors, certain commonalities are often reported. Nightmares, appetite problems, dryness of mouth, shortness of breath, sleep disorders and repetitive motions to avoid pain are often reported, and are perfectly normal. Even hallucinatory experiences may be normal early in grief, and our usual definitions will not suffice, necessitating a lot of grace for the bereaved. Abnormal responses almost always are a function of intensity and timing: a grief that after a year or two begins to worsen, accompanied by unusual behaviors, is a warning sign, but even here, caution must be used; it takes time to say goodbye.

Related Topics:
Nightmares - Appetite - Sleep disorders - Hallucinatory

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Anniversary Reactions and "Mummification"

Around the time of the first anniversary of the death, grieving may resurface in all its intensity, and some may feel alarmed at such feelings, but they too are usually normal. There are anniversary reactions besides calendar dates: birthdays, the next Christmas, etc. can all bring back early feelings which must be supported and walked through. Many bereaved persons remember such days and times with acts of benevolence, quiet reflection, or activities which reaffirm good memories: memories aid in healing.

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"Mummification" is not of the sort movies bring to mind, but a preserving or overpreserving of the memory of the presence of the deceased. A famous example is that of Queen Victoria who for 20 years after the death of her husband Albert continued to have his place set at the dinner table. Other examples might be of a mother who cannot go near or dismantle a nursery years after a death. Again, timing is a factor in determining normalcy. There are more grusome extremes, in which a body may be preserved, but these are extreme and rare. Most abnormal reactions are difficult to deal with after much time has passed but may be circumvented by proper and careful support in early bereavement.

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