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Apple is in Deficit, September 9 Event Needs a Treat

Apple has been in deficit mode lately with respect to customer perceptions. A botched MobileMe launch, perceived problems with the iPhone 3G, and the endless wait for new notebooks have Apple customers in a bit of a funk. It's time to really rock

That's Not 'Love' In the Air, Mister

Being under the weather last week, I nearly got away with forgot to mention an embarrassing little adventure I had on Valentine's Day. Some days, I don't even have to leave my office to dork up the joint. Whoopee. There I was on Thursday afternoon, weeping softly at my desk, as is my usual custom. To cheer my mood -- and take my mind off my throbbing sinuses -- I was listening to a few MP3s. Specifically, I had Fatboy Slim's Better Living Through Chemistry queued up, and playing loud. Maybe I was in a techno mood. Maybe I was comforted by the promise in the title -- a little NyQuil (or tequila, or possibly lye) could be just the ticket to a happier, phlegm-free future. Whatever the reason, those catchy tunes were the only bright spot in a sad, sniffly, scratchy-throated afternoon. "It's uptempo, with a good beat. If I could dance at all without looking like an epileptic ostrich, I could dance to it." At least, they were. Until I re-learned, for the umpeenth time, that timing. Is everything. (Oh, and don't worry if you're not into ten-year-old techno electro nu break funk jungle house bass beats, or whatever the hell such songs are classified as nowadays. I'll walk you through the scant bits of info that are germane to the story. I promise not to bop or crunk or beatbox or anything along the way. Lord knows no one wants to see that. Also, I could break a hip.) So, there I was. Alone in the office. Weeping. Listening. Sniffling. Minding my own business. After a while, the song "Give the Po' Man a Break" came on. I like the song. It's uptempo, with a good beat. If I could dance at all without looking like an epileptic ostrich, I could dance to it. Good tune. But Fatboy's lyrics are not the highlight, so much. In fact, the only words in the entire song are those in the title. Three or four minutes in, the first vocal sample emerges: 'Gee po manna break! Gee po manna break! Gee po manna break! Gee po manna break!' No, Mr. Slim isn't revered for his enunciation, either. As a genre, the techno electro nu break funk jungle house bass beaters aren't typically 'Hooked on Phonics', as it were. It's usually easier to just call the tunes instrumentals, and treat the lyrics, such as they are, as another instrument or rhythm. That's what I do, anyway. But folks less experienced with the music might have a different view. Someone like, say, the new kid who started working in our office last week. Turns out he -- who I gather isn't so experienced with the Fatboy Slim oeuvre -- needed to ask me a question that Thursday afternoon. So he walked into my office. While "Give the Po' Man a Break" was playing. None of which is all that troubling -- except for one thing. Fatboy, you see, being an artiste, wasn't content to simply loop the same vocal sample over and over and over through the second half of his ditty. Instead, he reprised it in shorter and shorter versions -- treating it like another instrument or rhythm, just like I said. Me and Slim, we're on the same page here. The new kid, not so much. Of course, it might have helped had he poked his head into my office during the actual instrumental part. Or the part where the whole phrase is looped, as above. Or even the next step along, when the tune shouts: 'Gee po manna! Gee po manna! Gee po manna! Gee po manna!' That would have sounded like gibberish, sure. But the new kid would have probably figured I was listening to some funky Latvian pop music, or playing MP3s backward, or something. I have a bit of a reputation for doing weird shit around the office. I know. Go figure. But he didn't walk in at any of those points in the song. Instead, he came in toward the end, when the sample is really chopped down and rapid-fire. So when he appeared in the doorway, my speakers were veritably blasting: 'Gee po! Gee po! Gee po! Gee po! Gee po! Gee po! Gee po! Gee po!' Which, to the naive ear unwise in the ways of the late-'90s techno milieu, sounds an awful lot like a guy shouting: 'Gay porn! Gay porn! Gay porn! Gay porn! Gay porn! Gay porn! Gay porn! Gay porn!' At eighty decibels. Over a pulsing backbeat. On my speakers. I didn't realize the misinterpretation right away, of course. It took a while to deduce, from the way the kid opened his mouth to ask a question, then stared wide-eyed at my computer for a bit, and then backed slowly out of the room. But I eventually figured it out, and realized how it must have sounded from his standpoint. So now I've got a whole new genre of odd stares and wacky rumors to work through, no doubt. On the bright side, the new guy hasn't been back to ask me a question for a whole week. Looks like this po' man got a break, after all.

James Brown Tribute Show Brings Together the Kings of Funk

The Kimmel Center's Perelman Theater was packed with dancers, who swirled to the rhythms and melodies of Pee Wee Ellis and special guests Fred Wesley, Vieux Farka Toure, and Cheikh Lo.

These Are Our Favorite Car Designers. Tell Us Yours

Car designers are a lot like musicians. Some are lame, some are one-hit wonders and some are truly gifted. The best of them evolve over time, their work reflecting the times even as it breaks new ground. And like great music, great cars stir the soul. Musicians often are rewarded with fame and fortune, but even the best car designers tend to be relatively anonymous, known only by their peers and hard-core car nuts. Just about everyone can recognize a 1965 Ford Mustang, but how many people know David Ash and John Oros designed it? Autopia is giving credit where credit is due and saluting five great designers who elevated their craft and whose work has stood, or will stand, the test of time. It's a short list, but that's the point. We want you to tell us who else should be on it. Photo: BMWGiorgetto Giugiaro's accessible-but-elegant Italian designs range from the plebeian first-generation slab-sided VW Rabbit to the iconic but still affordable Fiat 850 Spider. They?re sleek enough to look good but practical enough for mass consumption, kind of like Quincy Jones? radio-friendly funk. From Thriller to The Dude, it?s obvious when Q worked on a record, just as Giugiaro?s timeless works are instantly recognizable no matter the badge on the hood. Giugiaro?s ItalDesign is so good, even the lowly Daewoo Leganza still manages to catch our attention. But our favorite is the BMW M1 (pictured). Thirty years old and it still looks hot. Photo: General Motors Harley Earl is the Sinatra of car design. Ground-breaking and distinctively American, Earl didn't just create the clay mold, the tail fin, and the idea of a concept car during his career at General Motors. He pretty much pioneered the entire career field of automotive design. Like the contrast between Sinatra?s smooth Columbia years and swing-a-lingin? Capitol era, Earl?s designs ranged from the sleek Art Deco Buick Y-Job (pictured) to space-age tail fins and the first Corvette. Earl left General Motors in 1958, and we wish his influence at GM had extended beyond those ridiculous Buick ?fedora? ads. If it had, perhaps we would have been spared the Pontiac Aztek. Photo: BMW No list would be complete without Chris Bangle, chief of design for BMW. Like Eminem, he burst onto the scene in the '90s and brought controversy with him. People love him or hate him -- he's appeared at TED and been the subject of an online petition for BMW to fire him. He's credited with bringing new attention to automotive design, and it seems everyone's copied the "Bangle butt" that's all but become his trademark. The silliness of the X6 of is redeemed by the sexiness of the M3, the Z4 Coupe and even that weird shape-shifting car made out of cloth. Photo: JoJo Cence/Flicker The Carozzeria Pininfarina badge on a fender signifies design that is sensual, intelligent and sophisticated, kind of like the cerebral art rock of Steely Dan. From the gorgeous Alfa Romeo 8C to the Volvo C70 and a slew of Ferraris, Pininfarina's designs endure. Yes, the company's produced some Top 40 hits that don't stand up well (the Ferrari Testarossa comes to mind), but it's had more hits than Motown. Picking a favorite Pininfarina design is like picking a favorite Beatles song, but ours is the Dino 246 (pictured). Photo: Audi Walter de'Silva would have earned a place on the list solely because of his tour-de-force performance on the Audi R8, much like Kanye West could've retired after The College Dropout. But like West, de'Silva outdid himself with several follow-ups, most recently the S5, a car he unabashedly calls ?the most beautiful car I have ever designed.? It is, and Audi's design language just might be the most gorgeous to carry NHTSA certification in 2008. We agree it's a short list that omits some pretty big names. Ticked off that Shiro Nakamura didn't make the list? Are you the one guy in the world who thinks the Pontiac Aztek is hot? Utterly convinced that the Jaguar XKE is the sexiest thing to ever burn gas? Use the Reddit widget below to tell us what you think and post pics of your own suggestions. Main photo: Christer Johnansson/Wikimedia Commons Show photos that are: hot | new | top-rated or submit your own photo     Submit you favorite designer and a pic of the car. While you can submit as many photos as you want, you can only submit one every 30 minutes. No HTML allowed. Back to top

Want to live behind Zeitgiest? (For real, this time) (mission district) $900

Yes!! You too can live 30 paces from Zeitgiest, and about half a block from most conveniences (cafes, restaurants, bars, corner stores, and even mr. nice guy). Also just two blocks from both BART and MUNI. You get: One rad, sunny front room with big bay windows, small four unit building with laundry, wifi, big kitchen and living room, and two lil' kittens (Rupert and Bunny). And, guess what??? You can move in immediately! Whom might you be sharing this lovely domicile with, you ask? One female service industry miss-works-a-lot, who can get you into multiple LARGE music venues around the city fer 'nuthin. AND One male DJ/Chef/Funk-a-teer, who has the know-how to get you into various parties in undisclosed locations

[AandE] Not Tired of Being Sexy Yet

Cansei de Ser Sexy are a step away from the DIY, copyright-irreverence of Brazil's latest lovable music export - Baile Funk. While funkees tend to nab beats from old kitschy pop songs and dirty them up, CSS makes their own...

Funk queen

Chaka Khan on her heroes, legacy and kicking drugs

Looking for a roomate (oakland lake merritt / grand) $578

Lovely Lake Merritt Home. Room available August 1st. Reply to: hous-751131775@craigslist.org Date: 2008-07-11, 12:21PM We'll be showing the apartment this Sunday. Half a block from the lake and Merritt Bakery. We love our home! We want you to as well. Three bedroom, two bathroom. We are two women in our early 30's, grad student and web designer. One of us works from home and is home a lot. We like music. Reggae, Hip-Hop, Funk, Rock. We don't watch a lot of tv but occasionally we get engrossed in Tila Tequila and Rock of Love. Our better tastes include Flight of the Conchords, Curb Your enthusiasm and The Office. We are very eco friendly. We compost, recycle, bike. We keep a pretty tidy house and want someone who is happy to take a turn sweeping or cleaning the bathroom. We mostly do our dishes on time but not always. We look forward to meeting you! Call 510 290 1056 or 459-9587 or send an email with some information about yourself. Or questions for us. it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Gallery: Fire Arts Festival Opens in Blaze of Glory

: Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com OAKLAND, California -- Talk about a hot night. From a fire-spouting piano to flame cannons that licked the smoky sky, the attractions Wednesday night at the Fire Arts Festival kicked California's heat wave up a few degrees. "Who doesn't like fire?" said Hick Messiah, 47, of Oakland as he took in the event. More than 50 different artists from the San Francisco Bay Area and beyond showcased infernal contraptions and sizzling performances at the fest, which was more three-ring circus than safety demonstration. The Fire Arts Festival, organized by Oakland industrial arts nonprofit The Crucible, runs through Saturday. Left: Modeled after a county fair attraction, this shooting gallery substitutes flamethrowers for pop guns. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com A member of the Unmata urban belly-dance group twirls balls of flame during opening night festivities at the Fire Arts Festival. During Unmata's short routine, which was set to up-tempo techno and ethnic beats, members of the Sacramento, California, collective swiveled their hips and twirled flaming poi balls on a stage festooned with colored lights. The stage was also rigged to shoot bursts of fire synchronized with songs. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com Artist Sean Orlando's Steampunk Tree House could double as a set prop in a Tim Burton film. The 25,000-pound monstrosity is powered by a 1920s steam engine that breathes life into the coppery creation, sounding a cacophony of steam whistles. The towering structure stands tall within the patron pavilion at the Fire Arts Festival. Visitors willing to pony up the additional cash for a VIP ticket are granted the opportunity to climb hand-over-foot to the top of the 40-foot-tall sculpture for a bird's-eye view of the event. The roped-off pavilion also housed a bar, catered snacks and a swanky red-velvet lounge area. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com Unmata's dancers sway and shake their bellies to electronic tunes. The crowd swelled forward as the group's performance opened the Fire Festival. Afterward, a wide array of acts -- including a troupe of fire-swallowing vaudeville bartenders, youth dance troupes, trapeze artists and fiery Flamenco dancers -- occupied the stage until midnight. For the grand finale, San Francisco-based lo-fi funk band Gooferman created a crazed carnival atmosphere with its bouncy beats. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com A Pswarm fire sculpture presented by Department of Spontaneous Combustion bursts into flames. All the Pswarm sculptures were interactive, with the group pulling people from the crowd and letting them fire up the artwork. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com Bay Area-based Omega Recoil inverts a Tesla Coil for a performance dubbed Electricity Theater. "To our knowledge, that's never been done before," said Omega Recoil member Sparky Jewell. The Tesla coil wasn't the only aspect flipped during the campy show: Members dressed as mad scientists coerced an unwilling soul -- Human Test Subject No. 1 -- through the high-voltage maze. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com What keeps the human guinea pig from becoming Fried Human Test Subject No. 1? "It's definitely not prayer," quipped Omega Recoil's Chris Ruedy, who played the test subject, after the show. Ruedy wore a homemade Faraday cage made from steel mesh that kept the electric charge flowing around his body rather than through it. After successfully completing his tasks, he claimed his reward -- a can of beer. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com Smoke and flames pour from a large 3-D skull constructed by Oakland's Department of Spontaneous Combustion. To build the piece, members of the art collective bought a wooden 3-D puzzle of a human skull, scanned each piece and enlarged it several times. After tracing and cutting the shapes from steel, they refit the pieces together. The Department of Spontaneous Combustion also displayed a fire-breathing Venus flytrap and a 20-foot fire cannon, which member Matthew Andreoli affectionately referred to as the "Space Invaders cannon." "If any aliens attacked me, I'd blast 'em with it!" he said. First-time festival attendee Shana Muwwakkil took aim Wednesday and fired the cannon from behind a protective cage. "A friend made me come tonight," said Muwwakkil afterward. "But I really liked that -- it was different." : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com At Matisse Enzer's Flamethrower Shooting Gallery, people blast steel targets shaped like the Burning Man effigy known as "The Man." Enzer got the idea for this fiery twist on a traditional county fair game after Paul Addis prematurely torched Burning Man's giant icon at 2007's desert art party. "My nickname for this project is, 'You too can burn the Man,'" said Enzer, who lives in the Bay Area. Flamethrowers are illegal in California, so Enzer's rig got an in-depth assessment from the Oakland fire inspector -- and failed. "She took a step back when all four throwers went off," Enzer said. "And she's been working this event for years." The inspector decided that demonstrations were permissible -- but only technicians and safety personnel were allowed to participate. : Photo: Emily Lang/Wired.com San Francisco electronica outfit Gooferman closes out opening night at the Fire Arts Festival with a high-octane performance. In addition to shooting bursts of fire synchronized to songs, band members wore sparkling costumes and jester's caps, along with harlequin-inspired face paint, creating a crazed carnival atmosphere. Gooferman's gritty beats filled the air as the band's entourage -- including latex-wrapped stilt-walkers, gymnastic floor tumblers and cheerleaders clad in spangled bodysuits -- moved to the music. Earlier acts on the main stage included fire-eating vaudeville bartenders, youth dance troupes and trapeze artists. The Crucible's eighth annual Fire Arts Festival runs every night through Saturday. Tickets range from $5 to $55.