BASEketball

BASEketball is a 1998 David Zucker comedy feature film starring Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of South Park) and Dian Bachar. The movie follows the history of the imaginary sport of the same name, from its invention by the lead characters as a game they could win against more athletic types, to its development as a nationwide league sport and a target of corporate sponsorship.

Rules of BASEketball

Layout of the field

The pitcher's mound consists of a basketball hoop. There are four bases, as there are in baseball, but the distances between them are shortened, as there is no pitcher. There are nine squares radiating from the hoop: three single squares (small, yellow), three double squares (medium, red), and three triple squares (large, blue wedges). Instead of hitting a ball to right field, the player shoots from the single, double, or triple square on the left side of the infield. Instead of hitting a ball to left field, the player shoots from the single, double, or triple square on the right side of the infield. Instead of hitting a ball right down the middle, the player shoots from the single, double, or triple square along the middle. There's the home run circle, with home base at its center. Instead of hitting a home run, the player shoots a home run from there. There are two orange circular steps, one on each side of the garage door. These are used for short shots (a.k.a. bunts). Each side has a dugout instead of a bench. The roots of the game are remembered in the garage façade supporting the basket and in the sidewalks next to the dugouts. Other teams can substitute other buildings for the garage. The San Antonio Defenders, for example, have the Alamo as their façade.

Related Topics:
Garage door - Alamo

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Shooting

The square from which the player shoots (and score) determines what kind of hit they're going for. For example: a shot from one of the three double squares indicates a double. Any players ahead of the player at bat also move two bases. If the player fails to hit the basket or the backboard, they're out. If the player hits the backboard or the basket, the opposing team gets to rebound and try to shoot a basket for a double play. If they succeed, the player will be out, and so will the player closest to home plate. The player gets a second shot (a "conversion") at the ball if he misses and the opposing team misses the next two shots when it tries a double play against him. If the player makes that shot, the original shot attempt holds. If the plyaer was shooting for the home run in his first shot, but scores in the conversion, he gets the home run shot. If he misses, he's out. He shoots for the cycle. If the player starts with a single, he can't shoot a single again until he's attempted the double, triple, and home run first, in that order. It's a rare inning that allows a player's team enough chances for any single player to have a second shot at a triple. Scoring depends on how many men cross home plate (runs shot in), not how many shots a player successfully score (hits). If a player wants to bunt, you shoot from one of the orange steps. The bunt advances the runners already on base, but give the shooter an out. No psych-outs are used there. In the event the bases fill up, the first shooter, now on third base, can call upon one of the other players in the dugout to take his spot on third as he returns to home plate to shoot the fourth shot. This way, they can have four players on offense, but only three shooting.

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Defending

Defending is similar to that in basketball, but players have greater liberty in how they defend against the shooter. The three defenders are present at all times. There's no tagging out of players. There are no triple plays. Players can force a shooter out by psyching him out. This means they can do just about anything, use just about anything, to make the shooter miss: anything from a simple line to an elaborate setup involving dwarves and spinning plates to grotesque faces coupled with beastly sounds. Players can even mimic a player in a mocking way in order to get him out. Double-teams are permitted. If the umpires deem a psych-out in bad taste and the shooter misses, the shooter gets his shot (similar to a walk in baseball).

Related Topics:
Psyching him out - Walk

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Officiating

The umpires make sure the rules are being followed. They place pot holders on squares that have been used in shooting, to prevent shooting from that square again until a cycle is completed. Once the home run shot is taken, the potholders are removed from the squares the shooter used, or removed from all squares when the third out is called.

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Length of play

The teams take turns like they do in baseball; visitors first, home team second. There are nine innings, like in baseball, and a seventh inning stretch. Since all the games are indoors, no games are ever called on account of rain. The seventh inning stretch also serves as halftime, which features halftime entertainment. Overtime follows if there's a tie at the end of nine.

Related Topics:
Seventh inning stretch - Halftime entertainment

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Length of season

There is no telling how many years a BASEketball season can last. The playoffs themselves can go for nine months. By comparison, a basketball season lasts for seven months, the playoffs for two months. A baseball season lasts for six months, the playoffs for one month. The BASEketball season, if calculated from the two seasons just mentioned, can last from 32 months (over two and a half years) to 54 months (four and a half years). This means a new cup every four or five years. By comparison, soccer has a new world cup every four years. BASEketball can not have a nine-month playoff season and still have a cup every year, barring an absurdly short regular season. The cup is always called the "Denslow Cup".

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Loyalty

No players are traded, and teams can not move to new cities. Once a team is created, it remains in its host city until it decides to close. Its ownership or management can change, however.

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Psych-outs

Various psych-outs are employed as part of gameplay, including the following examples:

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• Coop takes a sip of beer. His opponent shoots, and in the act of shooting Coop spits out his beer at him. The man misses the shot.
• Coop yells, "Yo Pierce! I hear your mom is going out with Squeak!" Pierce is distracted and shoots the ball. It hits Squeak and bounces away.
• A Miami player walks up, and Remer says "Yo! Gomez!" Gomez sets up to shoot, and Remer continues "Got milk?" and begins to squeeze some milk out of a hidden pouch on his breast and onto Gomez's face as Gomez shoots. "Yeah, you like that, don'tcha?" The shot misses, and Coop takes the rebound.

For the full list of psych-outs used in the film, see Psyche Outs From BASEketball.

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